Essay: A Proposal No Woman Could Refuse…or Could She? Rejected Proposals in Jane Austen’s 'Pride & Prejudice' & 'Emma'
“A woman is not to marry a man merely because she is asked, or because he is attached to her, & can write a tolerable letter.” — Emma Woodhouse
Need a refresher on these rejected proposals? I wrote this primer on the proposals that don’t make the cut from Pride & Prejudice & Emma.
I. An argument for rejecting proposals
What makes a marriage proposal worthy of a woman’s acceptance? In Pride & Prejudice, Mr. Darcy believes his rank, title, & fortune would be a compliment to any woman he offers his hand to, let alone Elizabeth Bennet, whose relations, he must face, are “so decidedly beneath [his] own”.1 In his first proposal to Elizabeth, he even finds it necessary to explain why—against his judgment & character—he desires to make a woman of inferior birth & situation his wife. Surely, Elizabeth Bennet could never have expected to receive such a grand offer, & an explanation of how his feelings have gradually formed must help demystify his declaration of love for her. Acceptance is expected. Gratitude for the compliment must be felt. Had Elizabeth not settled on hating Mr. Darcy for all eternity, especially after learning from Colonel Fitzwilliam the role he played in hurting Jane’s chance at happiness only a few pages before,2 his presumption that she’d say yes would be enough to make Lizzy refuse. It’s the same presumption her cousin, Mr. Collins, had when he declared his love for her: That Lizzy has no choice but to accept the proposal of any man who could offer her comfort & security. But despite the risk of being labeled a “jilt” for rejecting even one proposal,3 Elizabeth refuses both men. Through our dear Lizzy Bennet, Jane Austen gives women permission to break the confining rules of Regency courtship & choose their own happiness—preferably based on love, not rank & fortune alone.
In Emma, our heroine is also met with two unwanted proposals she must refuse—one for herself from Mr. Elton, & one on behalf of her friend Harriet Smith from Mr. Robert Martin. Unlike Elizabeth Bennet, there’s less risk in Emma Woodhouse rejecting a proposal, since she has no wish or need to marry. Were she in love it would be a different matter, but she’s yet to meet a man in Highbury who could offer her a better situation than the one she occupies as Mistress of Hartfield (her father’s estate). This isn’t so for Harriet Smith, “the natural daughter of somebody,”4 who only needs to be a little more like Emma to have her pick of any man Miss Woodhouse approves of. Emma isn’t wrong when she advises Harriet that she need not accept Mr. Martin’s proposal simply because he has asked her, but does this idea really apply to all women in every situation? What’s frustrating about Emma Woodhouse is how right & wrong she is about the world she lives in.—Her ideas about proposals & marriage are sensible, but she seems to be applying them to a society that only exists in her imagination.5
In response to 18th-century courtship rituals, Jane Austen writes Elizabeth Bennet & Emma Woodhouse: Two heroines who want to believe that women have enough agency to reject the proposals of men they don’t love. Austen wasn’t irrationally romantic.—She knew that a happy marriage couldn’t be based on love alone, just as it couldn’t be based on money alone. It’s interesting how Austen thinks about marrying for love through the perspectives of female characters who occupy different positions in society. Lizzy, were she to marry, would be wise to choose a man who could provide for her & raise the reputations of her unmarried sisters in the eyes of other eligible gentlemen. Marrying for love, in Lizzy’s case, is a hope; yet she must stand by her principle that only love could move her to matrimony. Emma doesn’t need to marry for the purpose of changing her situation; she could marry to maintain it or, perhaps, unite her estate with a greater one.6 But Miss Woodhouse would prefer to keep her name.—She tells Harriet that she would only think of marriage if she found herself in love. The love Emma & Lizzy are referring to isn’t grounded in passion but reason. Jane Austen is interested in the concept of rational love & how it could lead to a marriage of equality for her heroines: One that is “a balance of moral & personal qualities, as a fulfilling process of mutual improvement.”7 In Austen, love isn’t everything, but rational love could mean the difference between ending up a Mr. & Mrs. Bennet or a Mr. & Mrs. Gardiner.
The problem Austen—& by extension Lizzy & Emma—keeps running into is the societal norms that dictate how men & women are to behave. In a society where marriage is practically a woman’s only option to avoid poverty, where the age a woman is suitable for marriage quickly comes & goes, where unmarried men & women can’t be alone together (nay, can’t even exchange letters!8) unless they’re related or engaged, Jane Austen would have to agree with Charlotte Lucas’s observation that “happiness in marriage is entirely a matter of chance.”9 But it doesn’t have to be. Central to her argument is that a woman shouldn’t feel pressured to accept a marriage proposal from a man she doesn’t love out of fear that she may never receive another offer. When a woman is expected to not only accept but express gratitude10 for the compliment of a man’s attentions, how can a proposal be anything other than a declaration of that man’s feelings?—Lizzy must allow Mr. Darcy to express how ardently he loves her; Emma must accept Mr. Elton or he’ll die. In order for happiness in marriage to be certain, a woman must be able to say no.—Marriage should be a choice for both men & women. In Pride & Prejudice & Emma, Austen uses her heroines to question & pursue this idea from their defined roles in society.
II. The power structure of proposals & a new mode of femininity
Austen is at once considered the greatest romance writer of all time & deficient in writing proposal scenes. Even her successful & joyful proposals “retreat into paraphrase or indirect report at the moment the hero proposes marriage to the heroine.”11 Take Mr. Darcy’s first dumpster fire of a proposal, which begins with this heart-melting quotable to command Elizabeth’s attention: “In vain I have struggled. It will not do. My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire & love you.”12 That’s it!—That’s all we hear directly from Mr. Darcy. The rest of the proposal is paraphrased from Lizzy’s perspective; the narrator wants us to hear it as she hears it, to feel the insult of Mr. Darcy’s pride through Lizzy’s rising anger. Austen’s decision to avoid dialogue in proposal scenes has been “cited as evidence” for her inability to convey the tender & intense emotion that is required. This criticism of Austen’s talent for rendering emotion on the page doesn’t hold true when we consider that what immediately follows Mr. Darcy’s proposal is a heated, angry exchange sparked by Lizzy’s refusal.—An argument between two people who desperately need to have the last word: What could be more intensely emotional than that?
Other arguments for Austen’s technical decisions in proposal scenes relate to the affection she feels for her characters. Though I think it’s safe to say that she felt little affection for Mr. Elton & Mr. Collins.—Her heroines, however, were real people to her. In this sense, Austen might have felt bound by “decorum” to respect her favorite characters’ privacy during moments as intimate as a marriage proposal.13 This theory could apply to Robert Martin’s proposal to Harriet, which he sends in the form of a letter—one only Harriet & Emma get to read. Austen doesn’t allow us to read what’s meant to be private between lovers, but Emma invades this privacy when Harriet brings her the letter to determine if it’s good enough to accept. But like Mr. Darcy’s proposal to Elizabeth, we don’t know exactly what Mr. Martin has written to Harriet Smith. We don’t even get an indirect report from Emma’s perspective! All the narrative voice tells us is that Emma is surprised to find that a farmer could write a letter that “would not have disgraced a gentleman.” Perhaps a proposal like Mr. Martin’s is what she hopes to receive herself one day:
“The language, though plain, was strong & unaffected, & the sentiments it conveyed very much to the credit of the writer. It was short, but expressed good sense, warm attachment, liberality, propriety, even delicacy of feeling.”14
While Austen does not supply the precise words of Mr. Martin’s letter, she indicates, through Emma, that an unaffected style of expression is what a sensible, rational love requires.
I share Hansen & Lundeen’s opinion that Austen’s treatment of marriage proposals—particularly the rejected ones—in her novels serve a larger critique she’s making about 18th-century society & decorum.15 Her aim in the proposal scenes in Pride & Prejudice & Emma is to show the effects of power structures that keep men dominant & demanding, & women helpless & willing. There’s a reason why Elizabeth sits silently through Mr. Darcy’s (even Mr. Collins’s) proposal, why “in spite of her deeply-rooted dislike, she could not be insensible to such a man’s affection”16—a woman of Lizzy’s situation must be in want of a husband, & she should feel grateful that a man such as Mr. Darcy has chosen her, because the choice is his to make. Fundamental to the rules of Regency courtship was that women were meant to wait for a man’s proposal.17 It’s why Harriet Smith is just happy that Mr. Martin asked her to marry him; she’s surprised to find that he likes her so much. Men were in a position to change a woman’s situation, to save her from becoming a burden to her family or community (consider the position of Mrs. & Miss Bates in Highbury).
In emphasizing the “astonishment” Elizabeth, Emma, & Harriet feel in their proposal scenes, Austen is making the point that a woman might not even know how a man feels about her &, therefore, couldn’t be sure of her own feelings. Elizabeth assumes Mr. Darcy dislikes her as much as she hates him, & the few times they’ve spoken & one time they danced together haven’t led her to think otherwise. Emma is certainly polite to Mr. Elton because, in her mind, he’s courting Harriet, but his presumption that his passion for her is enough to justify reaching so far above his station is too much to bear. Even Harriet can’t detect Robert Martin’s real feelings after spending a summer with him & his family. Austen is questioning what reason, apart from his own desire, a man might base his proposal on. Does Mr. Darcy believe Lizzy ardently loves him? Can Mr. Elton equate Emma’s politeness with a hope to marry him? How foolish of them! Though how much feeling one should show was a concern of 18th-century men & women. Men couldn’t say “I love you” until they were proposing; & women often discussed how much affection they should show a man they were falling for, as Lizzy & Charlotte do in regard to Jane & Mr. Bingley in Pride & Prejudice.—Charlotte thinks Jane should show more affection than she feels to “fix” Mr. Bingley, since “he may never do more than like her, if she does not help him on.”18 But Lizzy (&, I believe, Austen) is of the opinion that a man must take the time to find out what a woman feels.
Austen is asking us to concern ourselves with how a proposal might sound to a woman forced to sit through it in silence. She, herself, felt compelled to accept a proposal from Harris Bigg-Wither, “an awkward man five years her junior but heir to a country house & acreage worth £20,000,”19 likely because it was too easy to equate happiness with financial security. Realizing she could never be happy in a purely mercenary marriage, “Austen retracted consent & fled his family home the next day.” She never married, but for her heroines she felt happiness could be found through making an equal marriage; where both man & woman are equal in “connection” & “mind,” as Emma puts it. Emma, who accuses Mr. Elton of “pretend[ing] to be in love” because “he want[s] to marry well.”20 And Lizzy who can’t love a man because his fortune & rank demand it. That’s the difference between our heroines & a character like Harriet Smith, who is more the typically “passive, vulnerable, & child-like romantic heroine”21—Harriet can believe herself to be in love with any man who might love her back. But Emma & Elizabeth resist this impersonal type of love. Austen’s response to the imbalance of power in marriage proposals is to have Elizabeth & Emma embody what Vivien Jones calls “a very different kind of femininity” that stems from their individuality.22
III. Does the proposal make the man?
Before Mr. Collins proposes to Elizabeth Bennet, we know she will refuse him. She’s worked out that the “design” of her distant cousin’s visit is to choose a wife from among the five Bennet sisters (if they are, in fact, as hot as they’re rumored to be) to absolve himself of any guilt he feels about Longbourn being entailed to him, & to fulfill the wishes of his patroness Lady Catherine de Bourgh. Spending a week in Mr. Collins’s company is enough for her to know he’s a man she could never respect, & his proposal only serves as a confirmation of this fact.
Mr. Collins is not a man with an independent mind. While he attended one of the “universities,” getting his degree to be ordained as a clergyman required little more than living in the provided residence; & his solemn, condescending manner prompted him to prepare little compliments that he could use to “[flatter] with delicacy” at any occasion.23 Like his compliments, his affections can easily be transferred from one sister to another, one friend to another—he first likes Jane but redirects his attention to Lizzy when Mrs. Bennet tells him that Jane is spoken for, then proposes to Charlotte Lucas after Lizzy refuses him. To Mr. Collins, one woman is the same as any other. One of the reasons I think Austen chooses to let Mr. Collins propose to Elizabeth in his own voice is to show that while he does everything “by the book”24 according to Regency standards, his proposal is insulting to a woman superior to him in every way. He lists his reasons for marrying to show Lizzy how she’ll add to his happiness.—Perhaps this would be persuasive if Elizabeth felt that Mr. Collins would also add to her happiness.
I question whether Austen believes that the purpose of a marriage proposal is to persuade a woman to say yes. Mr. Collins certainly doesn’t find it necessary to persuade Elizabeth who, “in spite of her manifold attractions,” must accept his favorable offer out of concern that no other will be made to her.25—His proposal speaks for itself. It certainly justifies the conclusions Lizzy has drawn about the man, & there’s nothing he could say or offer to change that opinion. Even if marrying Mr. Collins would save her mother & sisters from inevitable poverty, she must satisfy her individual happiness.
Austen considers how language can move a heroine to re-evaluate her opinion of a man’s character. Emma is so surprised by the contents of Robert Martin’s letter that she can’t follow through with her scheme of making Harriet doubt whether he’s the author; she retracts her suspicion that one of his sisters must have helped him as soon as she says it:
“I can hardly imagine the young man whom I saw talking with you the other day could express himself so well, if left quite to his own powers, & yet it is not the style of a woman; no, certainly, it is too strong & concise; not diffuse enough for a woman.”26
Emma is forced to admit to herself, as well as to Harriet, that Robert Martin is a sensible man, that the letter is “better written” than she could have expected. She at once tries to reconcile her image of a farmer with this revelation of Mr. Martin’s character, while also convincing Harriet that she shouldn’t accept him. Emma tells Harriet that she must not let the letter persuade her, to lead her to “be run away with by gratitude & passion.”27 By distinguishing Mr. Martin from his very good letter, Emma is arguing that a man might have a “natural talent” for pretending to be more than he is “when he takes a pen in hand,” but a woman must not allow herself to be deceived. Austen doesn’t disagree with her heroine, given that for her villainous characters like Wickham & Willoughby & Mr. Elton “language disguises as much as it reveals.”28 Language can be used to deceive, to manipulate, to change one’s character & life story. While Austen, like Emma, doesn’t believe that a proposal should stand in for a man himself, she shows that Emma is only using this logic to promote her classist ideals. Mr. Martin is an intelligent farmer, & Emma can only view his letter to Harriet as an attempt to transgress the boundaries of his class.
Robert Martin’s letter does transgress boundaries, but not the class boundaries Emma imagines. Regency etiquette (are you as sick of these rules as Jane Austen yet?) forbade unmarried men & women to exchange letters unless they were related or engaged, which Elisabeth Lenckos suggests might point to the lack of romantic letters Austen’s heroes send.29 Emma might interpret Robert Martin’s letter as presumptuous, but it shows that he’s an independent man who “possess[es] the courage to break with tradition” because it is “necessary” for him to express his feelings to Harriet at once.30 This is a quality that strikes Emma, too: He “thinks strongly & clearly.”31 Most of the “epistolary lovemaking” in Austen novels is reserved for “partners in clandestine” & “less than perfect unions” like Frank Churchill & Jane Fairfax, & Edward Ferrars & Lucy Steele.32 But Austen also portrays letter writing as a bold action taken by men with strong, determined characters.
There are few love letters in Austen & even fewer that we get to read. Mr. Darcy sends a letter to Elizabeth after she’s rejected his proposal in hopes that he can change her mind about his character. The letter is not Darcy’s proposal but is often considered to be a continuation, since he responds to the charges Elizabeth makes against him that he couldn’t do in her presence. “When he takes a pen in hand,” as Emma says of Robert Martin, “his thoughts naturally find proper words.” Though Darcy’s letter “takes him an entire night to craft,” it isn’t calculated or planned.—It’s spontaneous. And Austen prefers the spontaneity of feeling Mr. Darcy expresses in his letter to his proposal because it’s written in his “true voice.”33 His letter doesn’t aim to be romantic, “employing the language of reason, not of love” to appeal to Lizzy’s intellect, her understanding.34—He sees Lizzy as she wants to be seen: A “rational creature.”35 Lizzy is able to engage & argue with the words written on the page—the information he entrusts to her—in a way that not only “deepens [their] connection” on an intellectual level, but helps Elizabeth know herself better: “Till this moment, I never knew myself.”36 Mr. Darcy’s letter changes Lizzy’s mind about him & herself, moving them toward a rational love that’s built on the “mutual improvement” of two partners. Robert Martin’s letter, unfortunately, doesn’t help Emma see herself or Harriet any differently. Her friend is superior to a farmer, & so Mr. Martin must be refused.
I don’t think Austen prefers a written proposal over one that is spoken; she cares only that a man’s true feelings are expressed. In writing to Harriet, Robert Martin can eloquently express himself & show that he’s willing to break with social norms to do so. Mr. Darcy’s proposal comes across as rehearsed & self-congratulatory. He leans into convention, expressing what he feels he must. It’s only when he spontaneously writes a letter to Elizabeth in his own voice that she can see him for who he really is.
IV. A woman’s “encouragement” & what NOT to say
Had Mr. Darcy continued his proposal the way he began—in his own voice, expressing the feelings that would not be repressed—it might have been worthy of Elizabeth’s acceptance. But he deviates from expressing feelings of the heart to ones of pride, the narrative voice tells us.—His exact words aren’t even worth reporting. The point is that they wound Elizabeth, & if she hadn’t already disliked Mr. Darcy for his dealings with Mr. Wickham & separating Mr. Bingley from Jane, she would have refused him for “his countenance that expressed real security.” Mr. Darcy “spoke of apprehension & anxiety,” but he was certain that Lizzy would say yes.37
He only has the confidence to speak in such a manner because he takes Elizabeth’s silence to be “sufficient encouragement” to continue his address: “Elizabeth’s astonishment was beyond expression. She stared, coloured, doubted, & was silent.”38 A woman’s silence is often interpreted as consent in Austen’s rejected proposal scenes.39 Like Mr. Darcy, Mr. Collins mistakes Elizabeth’s silence (she was trying to keep herself from laughing at his proposal) for encouragement, & so presumes Lizzy has accepted him before she’s given a chance to answer. In Emma, Mr. Elton attempts to interpret her “interesting silence” after seizing the opportunity of their being alone together in a carriage (no escape!) to make violent love to her. Emma’s silence, the vicar proclaims, “confesses” that there’s long been an understanding between them.
Heather Nelson writes convincingly how Jane Austen anticipated “modern consent theory” in her novels. Austen’s proposal scenes show men & women who are products “of a society that does not take seriously women’s thoughts & speech,” which leads to marriages that are products of what Nelson calls “nonconsensual consent.”40 That is, a person’s silence or dissent in response to a proposal being reinterpreted by someone, who desires the opposite reaction, as consent.—Mr. Collins attributes Lizzy’s no to feminine coyness & anticipates they’ll be married before long; & Mr. Elton chooses to interpret Emma’s astonished silence as her finally putting together the signs of his marked affection for her. If only these gentlemen had a Jane Austen narrator to help them see what our heroines really think! But Austen gives Emma & Elizabeth the opportunity to argue that their rejection of these proposals is “legitimate.”41
In their proposals, Mr. Darcy, Mr. Collins, & Mr. Elton attempt to tell our heroines that they will be married. This points to how a woman’s ability to consent could be taken away from her, an even darker possibility than her no being reinterpreted as a yes. Austen is aware that as long as men withhold the power to consent from women, their proposals will always be disrespectful & speak only to their feelings, never appealing to a woman’s happiness.
Rejected proposal greatest hits
When proposing to a heroine, please don’t:
Allude to the fact that you liked her sister first (“Almost as soon as I entered the house, I singled you out as the companion of my future life”42), indicate that your main reason for proposing is that your patroness told you to (“Twice has she condescended to give me her opinion…on this subject”43), & refuse to accept her rejection of your offer.
Let your pride take over (“He spoke well, but there were feelings besides those of the heart to be detailed, & he was not more eloquent on the subject of tenderness than of pride”44), dwell on the degradation marrying her will be to your family (“His sense of her inferiority—of its being a degradation—of the family obstacles which judgment had always opposed to inclination, were dwelt on with a warmth which seemed due to the consequence he was wounding, but was very unlikely to recommend his suit”45), & then beg for an explanation as to why she has refused you.
Choose a carriage ride where you happen to be alone with her as your setting, use over-the-top & insensible speech (“…hoping—fearing—adoring—ready to die if she refused him”46), & flatter yourself that your passion is too much to be refused (“…flattering himself that his ardent attachment & unequalled love & unexampled passion could not fail of having some effect, & in short, very much resolved on being seriously accepted as soon as possible”47).
V. Obstacles to happiness
Pride & Prejudice & Emma could be categorized as the Jane Austen novels “that have partial dialogue or indirect reporting of the actual proposals,” but they’re also seen as two of the novels where the heroines are “persuaded to grow & change”; they “must gain self-awareness & control over their influence.” 48 For Elizabeth & Emma, their pursuits of happiness hinge on whether they come to know themselves better. Caroline Austin-Bolt presents several arguments for how the narrators of these novels play a “mediating role” in helping us identify & sympathize with our heroines on this journey to self-discovery. 49 The form & amount of free-indirect discourse (which can be further broken down into “free-indirect speech” & “free-indirect thought”) used for a character either positions the third-person omniscient narrator as “the voice of social conscience” or creates a space of “impartial spectator” for readers to occupy.50 In other words, the narrator is either passing moral judgment on a heroine or inviting the reader to do the same.
Emma’s role in manipulating Harriet Smith to reject Robert Martin is a moment where we, the readers, are invited to pass judgment on a heroine. Rather than have us sympathize with Emma (like we do when she’s made to sit through Mr. Elton’s proposal), the narrator reveals how she’ll need to grow & change over the course of the novel. Returning to the concept of nonconsensual consent,51 Emma mimics the power structure of 18th-century proposals that existed between men & women by taking away Harriet’s ability to consent to marrying Robert Martin. Emma takes advantage of Harriet’s friendship & willingness to believe that Miss Woodhouse’s opinions are superior to her own, which puts Emma in the position to control Harriet’s happiness. She doesn’t yet recognize how she’s over-indulged her imagination, & that’s led her to view her social responsibility as a game. Emma’s position in society makes her the dominant figure in most of her relationships, giving her a kind of “male” power. In this way, Emma, herself, is an obstacle to Harriet’s & Mr. Martin’s individual pursuits of happiness, & the communal happiness that could be found in the existing social order.—Emma uproots it by encouraging Harriet to think above her station.
Eighteenth-century conceptions of happiness are a major theme in Austen’s novels, & she sides with moralist & writer Samuel Johnson’s theory that the pursuit of happiness lives in “the realm of human imagination,”52 which, perhaps, makes any tension felt between social & individual happiness imaginary.—One’s individual happiness should not be suppressed on the basis of social happiness. Both Johnson & Austen warn against the dangers of a “Prevalence of Imagination”53 or an “irrational imagination,” one that “cuts off an individual…from activity” & “from the rest of society.”54 Emma Woodhouse enjoys a class privilege that separates her from the rest of Highbury, but she also creates a mental separation by imagining herself to be a matchmaker capable of reading other people’s desires. Elizabeth Bennet, too, separates herself from her society by imagining that she’s a perceptive observer of character. She’s also singled out from her sisters by Mr. Bennet as the daughter with slightly more sense. Pride, prejudice, snobbery, & vanity are all products of an abundance of imagination that Austen’s heroines, & in some cases their suitors, must learn to balance with reason.
For Emma & Lizzy, their greatest obstacle might be balancing the new mode of femininity they embody with societal norms & expectations. The worlds of their novels expect their pursuits of happiness to be pursuits of marriage, but neither Elizabeth nor Emma is waiting for a proposal, contrary to what Mr. Darcy, Mr. Elton, & Mr. Collins imagine. But what our heroines are moving toward isn’t just individual happiness but a personal happiness within themselves. We admire Lizzy for her “modern sense of individualism,” for her choice “to follow her own value system based on personal moral judgment & self-respect rather than to follow the traditional value system that would require her deference to a superior.”55 As for Emma, much of what we admire about her character—her independence, her amiability—may be products of her social class, but they still represent a break with societal conventions. Elizabeth’s & Emma’s personal happiness can only come from gaining a greater understanding of their feelings.
VI. Toward mutual understanding & rational happiness
After Jane Austen rejected a proposal from Harris Bigg-Wither in 1802 & another from Brook Edward Bridges in 1805, she allegedly “began revising First Impressions into Pride & Prejudice,”56 using first-hand experience to craft the proposal scenes. Whether Austen knew she would never receive another offer or was determined to never marry, she considered one’s choice of a marriage partner to be a moral judgment,57 & the marriages she depicts in her novels reflect the judgments her characters have made.—Though she’s more critical of the societal rules that govern who people could marry & when more than her characters’ individual choices. It’s these rules that Lizzy & Mr. Darcy defy to fall in love, to form an equal marriage. And Mr. Martin might never have proposed to Harriet if he didn’t send a letter, breaking with Regency etiquette. Jane Austen thought these rules forced men & women to only pretend they were in love without examining their true feelings.
Marriage proposals were performative in Austen’s eyes. At most, they should be an impetus for reflection if a heroine has not made up her mind about a man’s character. But Austen’s novels suggest that a mutual understanding reached between two people who have grown close is superior to a proposal. Near the end of Pride & Prejudice, Mr. Darcy proposes to Elizabeth a second time, now that they have become two people who deserve each other. Only it’s less of a proposal than a confirmation of a rational love that’s formed between them. After Lizzy thanks Mr. Darcy for saving the reputation of Lydia & her family, he feels compelled to renew his addresses, this time considering her feelings & offering silence if they remained unchanged: “If your feelings are still what they were last April, tell me so at once. My affections & wishes are unchanged, but one word from you will silence me on this subject forever.”58 Perhaps even better is the mutual understanding Emma reaches—not with Mr. Elton!—with Mr. Knightley after years of friendship. Mr. Knightley has come to Hartfield only to comfort, he assumes, a heartbroken Emma, but their meeting naturally leads to a confirmation of the love they both feel.59
Through Elizabeth Bennet & Emma Woodhouse, Jane Austen shows how rational happiness is reached by following one’s personal value system. Emma & Lizzy’s beliefs about love & marriage break from societal norms, & they, in turn, choose men who separate themselves from these same expectations. In Jane Austen’s world, rational love & happiness must be found outside of an irrational system.
I’ve quoted part of Mr. Darcy’s response to Lizzy’s accusations after she has refused his proposal: “Nor am I ashamed of the feelings I related. They were natural & just. Could you expect me to rejoice in the inferiority of your connections? To congratulate myself on the hope of relations, whose condition in life is so decidedly beneath my own?” Austen, J. (1813). Pride & Prejudice (Revised Penguin edition, 2014). Penguin Classics.
Before Mr. Darcy enters the Collins’s sitting-room to propose, Elizabeth, “as if intending to exasperate herself as much as possible against Mr. Darcy, chose for her employment the examination of all the letters which Jane had written to her since her being in Kent.” See Austen (1813), chapter 11, p. 184.
See Maria Grace’s (2016) blog posts “Making an Offer of Marriage” and “Rules of Regency Romance” for more information on how rejecting a marriage proposal could damage the reputations of both men & women.
See full quote introducing Harriet Smith: “Harriet Smith was the natural daughter of somebody. Somebody had placed her, several years back, at Mrs. Goddard’s school, & somebody had lately raised her from the condition of scholar to that of parlour-boarder.” Austen, J. (1815). Emma (Revised Penguin edition, 2015). Penguin Classics. “Natural daughter” indicates that Harriet was illegitimate.
After Mr. Knightley learns that Emma has rejected Robert Martin on Harriet’s behalf, they argue about Miss Smith’s rightful place in society. Mr. Knightley says this to Emma: “Upon my word, Emma, to hear you abusing the reason you have, is almost enough to make me think so too. Better be without sense, than misapply it as you do.” See Emma, 1815, p. 62.
See Helena Kelly (2010) for more about enclosures in the works of Jane Austen in Persuasions, 30(2).
See Vivien Jones’s (1995) introduction to the Penguin Classic edition of Pride & Prejudice for her discussion of “rational happiness” & what she believes is Elizabeth Bennet’s definition of a moral marriage.
Lenckos, E. (2005). “‘…[I]nventing elegant letters’ or, why don’t Austen’s lovers write more often?” Persuasions, 26(1).
Charlotte’s full quote can be found in volume I, chapter 6 of Pride & Prejudice: “I wish Jane success with all my heart; & if she were married to him to-morrow, I should think she hd as good a chance of happiness, as if she were to be studying his character for a twelvemonth. Happiness in marriage is entirely a matter of chance. If the dispositions of the parties are ever so well known to each other, or ever so similar beforehand, it does not advance their felicity in the least. They always continue to grow sufficiently unlike afterwards to have their share of vexation; & it is better to know as little as possible of the defects of the person with whom you are to pass your life.”
See Brenda S. Cox’s (2020) blog post “Thankfulness & Marriage Proposals in Jane Austen’s Novels.”
Hansen, S. (2000). “Rhetorical Dynamics in Jane Austen’s Treatment of Marriage Proposals.” Persuasions, 21(2).
Austen, J. (1813) Pride & Prejudice (Revised Penguin edition, 2014). Penguin classics. Find Mr. Darcy’s proposal in volume II, chapter 11, pp. 184-185.
Theory about Austen trying to maintain privacy of her favorite characters can be found in Lundeen, K. (1990). “A Modest Proposal? Paradise Found in Jane Austen’s Betrothal Scenes.” Review of English Studies, 41, pp. 65-75. For the argument about Austen following 18th-century rules of decorum, see Stout, J.P. (1982). “Jane Austen’s Proposal Scenes & the Limitations of Language.” Studies in the Novel, 14, pp. 316-326.
See Emma, volume I, chapter 7, p. 50.
See Hansen’s discussion of Lundeen’s arguments in “Rhetorical Dynamics in Jane Austen’s Treatment of Marriage Proposals,” Persuasions, 21(2).
See Pride & Prejudice, volume II, chapter 11, p. 185.
See Maria Grace’s (2016) blog posts “Making an Offer of Marriage” & “Rules of Regency Courtship.”
See Pride & Prejudice, volume I, chapter 6, p. 23.
Nelson, H. (2020). “Elizabeth Bennet’s Proposal Scenes & Nonconsensual Consent.” Persuasions, 42, pp. 194-206.
See Emma, volume I, chapter 16, p. 128.
See Jones’s introduction to Pride & Prejudice.
See Jones’s introduction to Pride & Prejudice, p. ix.
See Pride & Prejudice, volume I, chapter 14 p. 67.
See Maria Grace’s (2017) blog post “By the Book: Mr. Collins’s Proposal.”
See Pride & Prejudice, volume I, chapter 19, p. 104.
See Emma, volume I, chapter 7, pg. 50.
See Emma, volume I, chapter 7, pg. 52.
See Hansen’s (2000) “Rhetorical Dynamics in Jane Austen’s Treatment of Marriage Proposals.”
See Lenckos’s (2005) “Inventing elegant letters” for more on the Regency rules that forbade unmarried men & women from sending each other letters.
See Lenckos (2005) in Persuasions 26(1), p. 3.
See Emma, volume I, chapter 7, p. 50.
See Lenckos (2005) in Persuasions 26(1), p.3.
See Lenckos (2005) in Persuasions 26(1), p.4.
See Lenckos (2005) in Persuasions 26(1), p.2.
See Mr. Collins’s proposal to Lizzy in Pride & Prejudice, volume I, chapter 19, pp. 102-107.
See Pride & Prejudice, volume II, chapter 13, p. 202.
See Pride & Prejudice, volume II, chapter 11, p. 185.
See Pride & Prejudice, volume II, chapter 11, p. 185.
See Nelson (2020) in Persuasions, 42.
See Nelson (2020) in Persuasions, 42, p. 196.
See Nelson (2020) in Persuasions, 42, p. 196.
See Pride & Prejudice, volume I, chapter 19, p. 103.
See Pride & Prejudice, volume I, chapter 19, p. 103.
See Pride & Prejudice, volume II, chapter 11, p. 185.
See Pride & Prejudice, volume II, chapter 11, p. 185.
See Emma, volume I, chapter 15, p. 103.
See Emma, volume I, chapter 15, p. 103.
See Hansen (2000) in Persuasions, 20(2), p. 4.
Austin-Bolt, C. (2013). “Mediating Happiness: Performances of Jane Austen’s Narrators.” Studies in Eighteenth-Century Culture, 42, pp. 271-289. See p. 274 for Austin-Bolt’s discussion on how Austen’s narrators allow readers to identify & sympathize with her heroines.
See Austin-Bolt’s (2013) breakdown on free-indirect discourse & when Austen uses each method.
See Nelson (2020) in Persuasions, 42.
See Austin-Bolt (2013) in Studies in Eighteenth-Century Culture, 42, p. 275.
“The Dangerous Prevalence of Imagination” is a chapter title in Samuel Johnson’s The History of Rasselas. See Austin-Bolt (2013), in Studies in Eighteenth-Century Culture, 42, p. 275.
See Austin-Bolt (2013) in Studies in Eighteenth-Century Culture, 42, p. 276.
See Austin-Bolt (2013) in Studies in Eighteenth-Century Culture, 42, p. 277.
See Nelson (2020) in Persuasions, 42, p. 197.
See Jones’s (1995) introduction to Pride & Prejudice for an explanation of Elizabeth Bennet’s belief that marriage is a “moral judgment.”
See Pride & Prejudice, volume III, chapter 16, p. 346.
See Emma, volume III, chapter 13, p. 403.