Dear Modern Austen: Why am I so tired?
Modern Austen advises World-Weary Woman on what to do about her fatigue.
Dear Modern Austen,
Let me be frank: I’m fucking tired. Forgive my language! I know how improper it is, but sometimes fucking is the only way to accurately express how tired I am. You see, I’m not just tired. I’m so…fucking...tired.
I’m tired of finding success in one area of my life while another completely crumbles. I’m even more tired of my mom brushing this all off by saying “that’s life” when I call to talk about it. I’m tired of being kind. I’m tired of being understanding. I’m tired of going to protests and standing up for what’s right. I’m tired of bullshit. I’m tired of selfish people and narcissistic people. I’m tired of giving a shit and tired of people who don’t. I’m tired of my job and the city I live in. I’m tired of everyone I know.
I’m tired of staying strong, and I’m tired of being vulnerable. I’m tired of the news and social media and politics. I’m tired of adulting. I’m tired of being a Millennial. I’m tired of being me. I’m tired of blaming everything for why I’m tired simply because I don’t stand up for myself.
Modern Austen, how can I stop being so fucking tired?
Sincerely,
World-weary woman
Dear World-weary woman,
You sound heartbroken. And by heartbroken I mean that your heart has been shattered like a china tea cup that slipped from the hands of a clumsy girl at tea time. This shattered heart pains you mentally, emotionally, & even physically.
But let’s concern ourselves with what’s important: While your heart is broken, I can tell that it’s still salvageable. You still care & you still feel, but you’re giving way to frustration & anger because there are things in your life you wish you had more control over. Your poor heart is exhausted.
I count myself among the many who, I believe, feel the way you do right now. I feel a kind of hopeless despair & anger because I don’t know what the right thing to do about anything is anymore. But what is right? Where can we turn to know what’s right in a world where everyone wants power, 10 minutes of fame, the last word?
I won’t mirror the language you’ve used in my own letter, but I would venture that you’ve reached this level of exhaustion because there isn’t enough of what you might consider right to surround you. I wonder whether you have many people in your life to turn to for help, advice, or to set an example. You mention reaching out to your mother to share your frustrations about life, work, maybe relationships, &, of course, her response is always the opposite of what you need. Mothers are useful for many things but advising their daughters on life & love isn’t one of them. I know I would hate to hear “that’s life” after pouring my heart out to someone.
You need more people in your life to connect with, to share the load of the weariness you’re feeling. I’m talking about female friends.
Female friendship is the best balm for life’s disappointments. Life won’t always be happy, but having good friends can help soothe the sting. You need other women, women who bring out the best in you. You need women with whom you can discuss life & relationships & hats with. This doesn’t mean you should make friends with any women you meet—they must be the right women. Women who respect & appreciate you. Women who do not pretend to care about you only for their own benefit.
The people who are currently in your life are depleting you. I sense that you’ve given so much of yourself to people you care about without asking or expecting to receive anything in return, but when you do reach out the same courtesy isn’t returned. Yet you continue to show up for people who don’t do the same, which breaks your heart time & time again.
This leads me to your final declaration that you are most tired of not standing up for yourself. The best thing you can do is make friends with people who help you see the right in the world.
Yours,
Modern Austen